Change isn't really easy, but it is possible, and with this method, it's much easier than just deciding to act differently.
A couple of years ago I transcribed an interview with a
neuroscientist who outlined very clearly the neuropsychology of change. I put it to the test, and it worked
fabulously. The problem was that I
stumbled and stopped doing the things that were helping me to change, and I
slipped back to my old habits. We spend
years developing habits and customs and then want to change them in a matter of
months. Our brains just don’t work that
way. It took years to create the habits
I want to change, so I have to accept that it will take years to replace
them. This time I am committed to
consciously doing the things that have to be done for however long it takes to
make real and permanent change. Since I
don’t know how long that is, I am basically committing to consciously doing
these things forever, but at some point I will realize I am doing them without
thinking about it because the new behavior has become a subconscious
habit. That is the neuropsychology of
change — doing something consciously over and over and over until it gets into
your subconscious and becomes what you do naturally.
This process can be used to change anything about yourself,
but just to be clear, I’m using it to change my relationship with food. For me this is not about losing weight. It is about not using food for pleasure or to
satisfy any other emotional need. It is
about not thinking about food all the time.
I want to give up recreational eating.
I do not want to eat because it looks good or sounds good or smells good
or feels good. I don’t want to eat
because everyone else is eating. I don’t
want to eat for social reasons. I do not
want to use food as a reward or a tool. This
is about putting food in its proper place in my life, which I have determined
to be as a source of nutrition and fuel for my body and nothing else.
One of the first steps in using the neuropsychology of
change is to determine exactly what you want the outcome to be. Writing a New Reality Statement is pretty
much essential. If you do not spell out
what you want your life, your new reality, to be, you will not be able to
achieve and sustain it. To demonstrate
this more clearly, let me describe my old reality, which is really pretty much
still my current reality, and then present the new reality I hope to achieve.
Old Reality: Food is one of the most important things in my
life. I think about it nearly all the
time. If I am not doing something that
completely occupies my mind and leaves no room for any extraneous thought, food
is in there. I think about what I want
to eat, what sounds good, what would make me feel good. As soon as I eat one meal or snack, I start
to think about what I want to eat next.
I don’t plan my meals around what would be a balanced, nutritious
meal. Instead, I eat what I feel like
eating. That means I can’t plan meals
and snacks in advance. If it doesn’t
have some kind of an appeal on an emotional level, I don’t want it. I normally do not eat enormous amounts of
food at one time, but I will eat a little and stop and after a short time has
passed eat a little more of something else.
I don’t binge, in other words. I
graze. Constant grazing is what I fall into
if I’m having an emotional issue, one that I have identified, after a great
deal of introspection, as just feeling something is missing or not right. One final and essential point I have learned
from my successes and failures is that sugar and fast food seem to be the
triggers that reopen my old habits.
New Reality: I plan
my meals and my snacks, making a new menu each week, focusing on having a
variety of foods that are prepared at home using unprocessed food and no
sugar. I eat breakfast every morning, whether I’m
hungry or not, because that is the most important meal of the day to get the
metabolism going. Then I eat when I’m
hungry. I have planned in advance what I
will eat for snacks as well as meals, and I stick with the plan. I am flexible if I happen to be eating with
someone else, but I still stick with the rules of no sugar, no fast food and no
highly-processed foods. Water is my
beverage of choice, and I drink it constantly throughout the day to avoid
getting dehydrated. I rarely drink
anything else but can occasionally have a diet soda or a smoothie made with
fresh fruit, plain yogurt and water. I
do not eat when I’m not hungry, except for breakfast. When I have had enough, I stop eating. I never eat to the point of feeling full
because that almost always leads to being too full. I think about food to plan my menus, to shop
and to prepare my food. I think about
food when I am eating, but when I am not doing any of those things that are
necessary for a healthy relationship with food, I do not think of food. I no
longer participate in recreational eating.
So how do I create that New Reality? I have to create a new way of thinking and
feeling and acting by consciously doing the desired things over and over. The change does not start with acting. The change actually starts with
thinking. This is the neuropsychology of
change. That is why my first posts were
about changing the way we think about our bodies. A common problem in people who have a bad
relationship with food or an issue with their weight is that we see our body as
the enemy, the problem, the symbol of our failure. We then neglect our body’s needs and abuse it
with crazy and ill-conceived attempts to change the way it looks without even
acknowledging that the problem is in the way we think about our body and
food. Until we change the way we think,
success will probably be very difficult to achieve and most likely very
short-lived.
When we change the way we think, we start to feel
differently, and then that leads to a new way of acting, which leads to new
thoughts and feelings and new behaviors.
It’s a cycle that just continues until we reach a new reality. Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to
actions which lead to who we are, how we act, what comes naturally to us — new
habits.
If we look at that backwards, we start with what we want
that reality to be. That’s why we write
a New Reality Statement. We determine
what kinds of behaviors will bring about that desired way of being. Then we focus on what feelings will lead to
that kind of behavior. You actually want
to create the feeling that you would have if you had already achieved your
desired reality. So what information can
you put into your mind to bring about that feeling? Focus on those thoughts. Now you have begun the process.
Example: I want to
not be obsessed with food and give up recreational eating. When I have achieved that for very short
periods of time, the feeling I have had was always the same. I felt like my mind was full of light and my
heart was full of joy. I felt free from
any obsessive thoughts or desires. I
felt like all my needs were being met and that I could do anything I really
wanted to do. I felt happy and
fulfilled. I just generally felt
good. I did not feel any obsession or
compulsion or lack or need. I did not
feel disappointment or deprivation. It
was as if everything in my life was going just the way I wanted it to. It was a very spiritual feeling. In fact, I felt like I had the Holy Ghost
with me, like my connection with God was constant and strong. My need for pleasure was definitely being
met. It went so far beyond anything I
had previously connected to food, body and weight issues. And interestingly enough, it had nothing to
do with whether or not I had lost weight.
Those feelings came because I was not thinking about food and eating all
the time.
So what do I have to do to create that feeling? Well, if it’s a spiritual feeling, there
obviously has to be a spiritual component, and so I have daily scripture study
that is more than just reading a chapter.
I actually study a topic and write about it in a study journal. Remember, the new feelings come not because
of what I’m doing but because of what I’m thinking. So I have to give myself new things to think
about, new things that are uplifting and inspiring. Writing about what I’m studying helps me to
process and internalize what I’m reading.
Studying a particular topic over time gives depth to what I’m taking in
and goes a long way to not only teach me something new, but it gives me
something to ponder. Now when I’m not
completely occupying my brain, instead of thinking about food as was my old
habit, I have something new and interesting to think about.
A second way I have chosen to give me new thoughts is
meditation and prayer. I like to use
guided meditations that relax me and point my mind and spirit in the direction of
what I’m trying to achieve. They also
play a major role in preparing me to have deep, thoughtful prayer. I have recorded my own personal meditations
that I use almost daily to guide my thinking to the thought process that I want
to become natural for me. I start with
getting rid of negative thoughts and feelings and then remind myself what path
I should be on. Nothing I have done is
so bad that it can’t be undone and forgiven.
Everything, good and bad, can be for my benefit, and I have the redeeming
power of the Savior available to me as I strive to change. I have a meditation that reminds me how much
I am loved, that I am lovable and that I should love myself, including my body. Then I have one that allows me to focus on
what my true desires are.
The third component in having the right thoughts to achieve
my new reality is making sure that the input I give my brain is leading me in
the right direction. That includes
everything I choose to read, watch, listen to, and talk about. Too much television spells disaster. The shows I do watch need to be worth my time
and not detract from my stated mission.
The same goes for my music and books and conversations. This is the part of the plan that addresses
the need for pleasure. We all have that
need. I wrote previously about looking
for pleasure in the right or wrong way.
We all have to find the right way to get pleasure, right meaning it’s
not the kind of pleasure that hurts us in any way. For me, I have found that I can replace my
search for pleasure through food by reading interesting books, listening to
music that I find uplifting in a spiritual way or uplifting in a good-time
feeling way. I even have a playlist that
I call Pleasure because all the songs are those that give me good vibrations,
though that song isn’t on my list. I do
have Sugar on the list, by the Archies, but that kind of Sugar I can
handle.
So I’m getting my pleasure in a happy and harmless way. I’m changing my thoughts in ways that are
bringing me the feeling that I actually crave, and that is leading to a
different way of acting. I have to keep
doing these things through conscious effort until they become natural,
second-nature, habit. In doing so, I
will be creating my new reality. I will
become the new person I seek to be.
Each person has to decide for themselves what they want to
achieve, what their desired reality is.
Then imagine what it would feel like to have achieved that reality. Next, determine what you can do to create that
feeling right now, and finally, decide what pleasurable activities you can do
to create the new thoughts you need to create that feeling.
So again, that’s get the new thoughts that create the new
feelings that lead to the new behaviors that will create your desired
reality. It may sound confusing at
first, but once you break it down, it’s simple.
Step-by-step you can create the reality you want to live in.
