Change Made Easy

Change isn't really easy, but it is possible, and with this method, it's much easier than just deciding to act differently. 

A couple of years ago I transcribed an interview with a neuroscientist who outlined very clearly the neuropsychology of change.  I put it to the test, and it worked fabulously.  The problem was that I stumbled and stopped doing the things that were helping me to change, and I slipped back to my old habits.  We spend years developing habits and customs and then want to change them in a matter of months.  Our brains just don’t work that way.  It took years to create the habits I want to change, so I have to accept that it will take years to replace them.  This time I am committed to consciously doing the things that have to be done for however long it takes to make real and permanent change.  Since I don’t know how long that is, I am basically committing to consciously doing these things forever, but at some point  I will realize I am doing them without thinking about it because the new behavior has become a subconscious habit.  That is the neuropsychology of change — doing something consciously over and over and over until it gets into your subconscious and becomes what you do naturally. 

This process can be used to change anything about yourself, but just to be clear, I’m using it to change my relationship with food.  For me this is not about losing weight.  It is about not using food for pleasure or to satisfy any other emotional need.  It is about not thinking about food all the time.  I want to give up recreational eating.  I do not want to eat because it looks good or sounds good or smells good or feels good.  I don’t want to eat because everyone else is eating.  I don’t want to eat for social reasons.  I do not want to use food as a reward or a tool.  This is about putting food in its proper place in my life, which I have determined to be as a source of nutrition and fuel for my body and nothing else.

One of the first steps in using the neuropsychology of change is to determine exactly what you want the outcome to be.  Writing a New Reality Statement is pretty much essential.  If you do not spell out what you want your life, your new reality, to be, you will not be able to achieve and sustain it.  To demonstrate this more clearly, let me describe my old reality, which is really pretty much still my current reality, and then present the new reality I hope to achieve.

Old Reality: Food is one of the most important things in my life.  I think about it nearly all the time.  If I am not doing something that completely occupies my mind and leaves no room for any extraneous thought, food is in there.  I think about what I want to eat, what sounds good, what would make me feel good.  As soon as I eat one meal or snack, I start to think about what I want to eat next.  I don’t plan my meals around what would be a balanced, nutritious meal.  Instead, I eat what I feel like eating.  That means I can’t plan meals and snacks in advance.  If it doesn’t have some kind of an appeal on an emotional level, I don’t want it.  I normally do not eat enormous amounts of food at one time, but I will eat a little and stop and after a short time has passed eat a little more of something else.  I don’t binge, in other words.  I graze.  Constant grazing is what I fall into if I’m having an emotional issue, one that I have identified, after a great deal of introspection, as just feeling something is missing or not right.  One final and essential point I have learned from my successes and failures is that sugar and fast food seem to be the triggers that reopen my old habits.

New Reality:  I plan my meals and my snacks, making a new menu each week, focusing on having a variety of foods that are prepared at home using unprocessed food and no sugar.   I eat breakfast every morning, whether I’m hungry or not, because that is the most important meal of the day to get the metabolism going.  Then I eat when I’m hungry.  I have planned in advance what I will eat for snacks as well as meals, and I stick with the plan.  I am flexible if I happen to be eating with someone else, but I still stick with the rules of no sugar, no fast food and no highly-processed foods.  Water is my beverage of choice, and I drink it constantly throughout the day to avoid getting dehydrated.  I rarely drink anything else but can occasionally have a diet soda or a smoothie made with fresh fruit, plain yogurt and water.  I do not eat when I’m not hungry, except for breakfast.  When I have had enough, I stop eating.  I never eat to the point of feeling full because that almost always leads to being too full.  I think about food to plan my menus, to shop and to prepare my food.  I think about food when I am eating, but when I am not doing any of those things that are necessary for a healthy relationship with food, I do not think of food.   I no longer participate in recreational eating.

So how do I create that New Reality?  I have to create a new way of thinking and feeling and acting by consciously doing the desired things over and over.  The change does not start with acting.  The change actually starts with thinking.  This is the neuropsychology of change.  That is why my first posts were about changing the way we think about our bodies.  A common problem in people who have a bad relationship with food or an issue with their weight is that we see our body as the enemy, the problem, the symbol of our failure.  We then neglect our body’s needs and abuse it with crazy and ill-conceived attempts to change the way it looks without even acknowledging that the problem is in the way we think about our body and food.  Until we change the way we think, success will probably be very difficult to achieve and most likely very short-lived.

When we change the way we think, we start to feel differently, and then that leads to a new way of acting, which leads to new thoughts and feelings and new behaviors.  It’s a cycle that just continues until we reach a new reality.   Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to actions which lead to who we are, how we act, what comes naturally to us — new habits. 

If we look at that backwards, we start with what we want that reality to be.  That’s why we write a New Reality Statement.  We determine what kinds of behaviors will bring about that desired way of being.  Then we focus on what feelings will lead to that kind of behavior.  You actually want to create the feeling that you would have if you had already achieved your desired reality.  So what information can you put into your mind to bring about that feeling?  Focus on those thoughts.  Now you have begun the process. 

Example:  I want to not be obsessed with food and give up recreational eating.  When I have achieved that for very short periods of time, the feeling I have had was always the same.   I felt like my mind was full of light and my heart was full of joy.  I felt free from any obsessive thoughts or desires.  I felt like all my needs were being met and that I could do anything I really wanted to do.  I felt happy and fulfilled.  I just generally felt good.  I did not feel any obsession or compulsion or lack or need.  I did not feel disappointment or deprivation.  It was as if everything in my life was going just the way I wanted it to.  It was a very spiritual feeling.  In fact, I felt like I had the Holy Ghost with me, like my connection with God was constant and strong.  My need for pleasure was definitely being met.  It went so far beyond anything I had previously connected to food, body and weight issues.  And interestingly enough, it had nothing to do with whether or not I had lost weight.  Those feelings came because I was not thinking about food and eating all the time. 

So what do I have to do to create that feeling?  Well, if it’s a spiritual feeling, there obviously has to be a spiritual component, and so I have daily scripture study that is more than just reading a chapter.  I actually study a topic and write about it in a study journal.  Remember, the new feelings come not because of what I’m doing but because of what I’m thinking.  So I have to give myself new things to think about, new things that are uplifting and inspiring.  Writing about what I’m studying helps me to process and internalize what I’m reading.  Studying a particular topic over time gives depth to what I’m taking in and goes a long way to not only teach me something new, but it gives me something to ponder.  Now when I’m not completely occupying my brain, instead of thinking about food as was my old habit, I have something new and interesting to think about. 

A second way I have chosen to give me new thoughts is meditation and prayer.  I like to use guided meditations that relax me and point my mind and spirit in the direction of what I’m trying to achieve.  They also play a major role in preparing me to have deep, thoughtful prayer.  I have recorded my own personal meditations that I use almost daily to guide my thinking to the thought process that I want to become natural for me.  I start with getting rid of negative thoughts and feelings and then remind myself what path I should be on.  Nothing I have done is so bad that it can’t be undone and forgiven.  Everything, good and bad, can be for my benefit, and I have the redeeming power of the Savior available to me as I strive to change.  I have a meditation that reminds me how much I am loved, that I am lovable and that I should love myself, including my body.  Then I have one that allows me to focus on what my true desires are. 

The third component in having the right thoughts to achieve my new reality is making sure that the input I give my brain is leading me in the right direction.  That includes everything I choose to read, watch, listen to, and talk about.  Too much television spells disaster.  The shows I do watch need to be worth my time and not detract from my stated mission.  The same goes for my music and books and conversations.  This is the part of the plan that addresses the need for pleasure.   We all have that need.  I wrote previously about looking for pleasure in the right or wrong way.  We all have to find the right way to get pleasure, right meaning it’s not the kind of pleasure that hurts us in any way.  For me, I have found that I can replace my search for pleasure through food by reading interesting books, listening to music that I find uplifting in a spiritual way or uplifting in a good-time feeling way.  I even have a playlist that I call Pleasure because all the songs are those that give me good vibrations, though that song isn’t on my list.  I do have Sugar on the list, by the Archies, but that kind of Sugar I can handle. 

So I’m getting my pleasure in a happy and harmless way.  I’m changing my thoughts in ways that are bringing me the feeling that I actually crave, and that is leading to a different way of acting.  I have to keep doing these things through conscious effort until they become natural, second-nature, habit.  In doing so, I will be creating my new reality.  I will become the new person I seek to be.

Each person has to decide for themselves what they want to achieve, what their desired reality is.  Then imagine what it would feel like to have achieved that reality.  Next, determine what you can do to create that feeling right now, and finally, decide what pleasurable activities you can do to create the new thoughts you need to create that feeling. 

So again, that’s get the new thoughts that create the new feelings that lead to the new behaviors that will create your desired reality.  It may sound confusing at first, but once you break it down, it’s simple.  Step-by-step you can create the reality you want to live in.